


Three Classes Johnny Never Took In Secondary School

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Johnny Maxwell - Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-26
Updated: 2006-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-25 02:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1626401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story by emptythreat</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Classes Johnny Never Took In Secondary School

**Author's Note:**

> Written for afrai

 

 

1\. Art Theory

Wobbler interrupted Yo-less's droning recitation of the museum pamphlet, saying thoughtfully, "It looks like a giant donut."

"I didn't know art was rocks with holes in," Bigmac added.

The sculpture loomed over the four boys like a someone who hasn't realized he's just met the business end of a cannon. Bigmac had already been yelled at for trying to climb over the rope and stick his arm through the hole.

"I know this big picture of a soup can that's art," Wobbler said.

"Andy Warhol's 'Cambell's Soup,'" Yo-less said promptly. "He was the foremost practitioner of Pop Art. Very famous. He made a whole series of paintings of soup cans."

The other boys nodded. If giant rocks with holes in could be art, then why couldn't soup cans? What, in fact, couldn't be art?

"I heard there was this display of all dead bodies the artist dug up and someone's dad was in it, so they sued," Bigmac said. "Only they didn't want the dad's body back, or any money; they just wanted the display to say his name and `Loving Father' or something."

"And here we get to stare at rocks," Wobbler said gloomily, and made a face at the sculpture.

"So what did--" Johnny began, but was cut off by a sudden, intense rush of heat and a sort of twanging sound, accompanied by a taste like tin. There was no way to see and process it all in a moment, but there were scales, and claws, and teeth that seemed to be curling up into a lizardly grin, and a shrill, high-pitched wail.

Then there was another moment, which hadn't seemed very probable in the last, and the sculpture crumbled down and inward, turning to dust. Bigmac, standing closest to the display, quickly moved to stand back with Yo-less and his pamphlet before anyone could start looking for possible suspects.

"Johnny?" Yo-less said. Three expectant stares narrowed in on Johnny's face, waiting for an explanation from the one person they could reasonably expect an explanation to be forthcoming.

After a moment, Johnny cleared his throat, not sure if he believed his own words. "I think they're on vacation."

2\. Philosophy of Western Religion

There was a moment where everything was just normal, just the way it was supposed to be, and then it was all changed up and the world pretended like it was normal that way, or maybe it really believed that it was still all normal. Maybe the whole world had been tricked.

Johnny looked from Yo-less to Wobbler to Kirsty, then over at the blond boy who was watching him curiously. After a moment, the boy tilted his head to side and started to walk away from his group, ignoring the red-headed girl who said, "Hey, Adam, where're you going?"

He ran after the kid--Adam--and tried to ignore the part of his brain that kept saying he should really just shut up this time and play along. He did keep voice low, though, when he asked, "What happened to Bigmac? Why's Kirsty here?"

"I thought it would be more matched up right this way. You know, symmetrical," Adam said with a shrug. "Three boys, one girl. No one was s'posed to notice," he added, with just a hint of an accusation.

"But--" Johnny stopped, then tried again. "I remember Bigmac being here, but I also remember Kirsty always being here. One of those isn't right, though, is it? Both can't be right!"

It seemed that the red-haired girl and Kirsty were getting into an argument, and the kid who looked like an accountant was talking to Yo-less, who also looked like an accountant, if Johnny was going to be honest. Wobbler and the other boy were ignoring each other. Symmetrical. Johnny turned to Adam, who was watching him with a patient little smile.

"Are we going to play football or what?" Adam asked.

3\. Interpersonal Relations

Maybe if Johnny hadn't talked to her, she would have left without speaking. Maybe Johnny's angel friend was working overtime. How many re-dos does one person get? Why did Johnny always decide to take them?

"Could you clean it, just a little?" the woman asked hopefully. "I can't see anything at all."

There was probably a rule somewhere that said you shouldn't talk to people in mirrors, no matter how sad or confused or old they looked, or how happy they looked when you did stop and talk to them. Johnny wanted to know how she got in there in the first place, but she'd already said she didn't remember.

There was probably also a rule somewhere that said you shouldn't go digging through secondhand shops; especially the ones that everyone said were always there, since yesterday. Johnny hadn't even wanted to go in the shop, but if he said it definitely wasn't always there until yesterday, his friends might decide that this was the time he'd really gone crazy.

Besides, the place, as advertised, was smelly and dusty and boring and entirely ordinary, except for the dirty mirror in the back with the white-haired lady inside.

He grabbed an old shirt from the nearest rack and started to scrub at the mirror, hoping Wobbler and Bigmac didn't notice what he was doing. The woman flinched away at first, like she'd forgotten there was a pane of glass between them. Without any glass cleaner, the most Johnny was able to do was push the dirt away from the middle, but she seemed happy enough with that.

Now, she looked at Johnny with sharp blue eyes, scrutinizing his every feature, before her face reflected a mostly hidden disappointment. "Are you looking for something?" Johnny asked.

"I am, but..." the woman's voice trailed off, then she rallied and smiled with only a hint of bitterness. "It's really quite silly, but I've forgotten what I'm looking for."

Johnny didn't ask her how long she'd been looking, that she'd forgotten, but he said the next worst thing. "Then how are you supposed to find it?"

 


End file.
